Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
