once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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