Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
