My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
