Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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