Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
