I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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