got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize