Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cockslap morals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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