Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
