well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
