Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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