No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
