I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
