I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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