Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
