You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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