I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
