remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
