Im at strip club and am horny
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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