life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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