So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
