Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
