I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
