so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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