Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
