If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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