i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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