There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
