I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
