I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
