nut hugger
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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