i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
