Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
being pregnant is like rehab
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
