While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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