Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
