i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
