If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
