Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
