Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize