Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize