Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
