Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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