You smell like stripper and shame
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize