I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
