I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
