Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
