My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
