I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
