I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize