Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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