You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
