I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
