ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
