so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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