Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
