I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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