I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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