I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
