Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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