They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
