I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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