And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize