i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
