Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
